I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
