Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
