What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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