You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
