Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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