I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
