Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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