last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
