I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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