So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
