shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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