i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
