you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
