Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
even my farts smell like vagina
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
BRING THE BAGELS
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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