that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
The adults are the big ones right?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
