can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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