just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
