Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
