How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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