WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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