After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
