i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
