it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
