i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
wow bdsm is so cute
My dad is sitting where you rode me
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize