I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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