I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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