i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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