Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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