For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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