marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
