K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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