just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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