I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just pee around me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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