You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize