He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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