I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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