I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
bring money and cleavage
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
