dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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