The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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