you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
