dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
