girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
