Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
