threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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