I just saw a hot homeless man
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
