friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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