I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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