Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
