Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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