Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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