Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
