Yo dont text me then not text me
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize
