drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
