When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
