I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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