I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
