No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize