At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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