thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
