Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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