Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Randomize
