from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
