So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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